A general sense of uncertainty and loss of control often trigger mental health concerns, and living through a pandemic is no different. With people losing their loved ones, jobs and sense of place, it’s likely that your emotions and mental wellbeing have taken a hit. We spoke to two mental health experts to help us understand the best and most practical ways to improve our emotional resilience and mental immunity when it’s being most challenged.
What is emotional resilience?
Not knowing what the next day will bring when dealing with a global pandemic can make your emotions feel like they’re all over the place. There is possibly a certain amount of guilt that comes with allowing yourself to feel happy with small wins when there is so much trauma around you. This is what makes the need to be emotionally resilient more important now than ever before. “Emotional resilience is the capacity of managing emotions in a healthy way when things are difficult and the ability to bounce back after a difficult time,” explains Sadia Saeed, psychologist, mindfulness trainer and founder, Inner Space. To truly be emotionally resilient, you need to consciously cultivate the capacity; it does not happen by simply willing it.
Saeed sheds light on the basic framework to become a stronger person, mentally. “Often, we deal with difficult emotions by overthinking about the problem or the solution or ruminating about when it will go away. If not that, we simply refuse to acknowledge what we are feeling and we distract ourselves from our emotions by watching TV, eating, or doing something else. Emotional resilience can grow when you know you feel sad and you are able to allow yourself to stay sad for some time without resorting to overthinking or distraction. As you learn to stay with your emotions, you become more connected to yourself, your emotional patterns and with practice, you learn not to get overwhelmed by your emotions. Gradually you become emotionally intelligent and resilient.”
She shares a four-step guide to becoming emotionally stronger and having more control over how you feel.
Step 1: Pause and name
“Whenever you are feeling something, both pleasant or unpleasant, slow down and take a pause. Ask yourself, ‘What am I feeling now?’ Let the answers come to you. Don’t overthink it and let your intuition speak.” Becoming conscious of your feelings is the first step to having more control over them as opposed to the other way around.
Step 2: Accept and allow
“If you recognise that you are sad, frustrated, irritated, jealous, afraid, anxious, or even calm and happy, simply accept it. This is what is the reality of your present emotion and you are allowing it to be.” If you need to, you can even go ahead and tell yourself that you’re feeling a certain way, to help accept it. “Don’t try to fix it and find solutions for it. Instead, rest with it.” Ignoring how you feel when things get tough will only make situations harder for you when you’re forced to face your feelings at a later stage in life.
Step 3: Rest with the emotion
“Emotions are impermanent. Their energy stays for a while and then they leave. Even if you need to act on something or change something, wait for a while. Simply rest with the emotion for a while. When your emotion becomes more manageable, that is a better time to make decisions, not when you are going through it at its maximum intensity.” The good and bad both come and leave, no emotion stays forever and it’s important to be in control of how you’re feeling at a certain time before you let a temporary emotion dictate any big life decisions.
Step 4: Stay kind and compassionate
“Finally, be kind to yourself when you are going through a difficult emotion. Remind yourself that it is hard for you. Don’t beat yourself up for being emotional. Instead, treat the emotion as an opportunity to know yourself better and develop kindness and compassion towards yourself.” Allowing yourself to feel the whole range of emotions, good and bad, is the only way to build emotional strength and take charge of your feelings.
How to strengthen your mental immunity
Michele Koury, a New York-based psychotherapist and clinical director, Know Yourself Counselling, shares her toolkit to improve your mental health when dealing with uncertainty.
1. Find a creative hobby
While this may seem like an obvious suggestion, and one you’ve probably heard before, choosing to invest your time in a creative skill has a direct impact on your mind. “Creative projects can help us experience ‘flow’ which is an incredibly regenerative state of mind,” explains Koury. “When we’re in flow, our prefrontal cortex quiets and our tendency to self-criticise or self-edit is significantly lessened. A focused, content mindset takes hold. Doing things we love can induce this experience.” Whether you enjoy writing, baking, dancing, drawing or playing an instrument, each of these activities can help your mind relax. Remember, you don’t necessarily have to be good at the activity you take on, especially not on day one. Allow yourself time to try a new skill, experiment with it to see if you enjoy it or if you’re any good, and then take a call to decide if you’d like to keep at it.
2. Communicate well with friends and family
“Countless studies show that we are happier and healthier when we feel we have social support. Making sure our relationships are strong by committing to mutual respect and understanding can make us feel less alone and more supported in our day-to-day lives.” Staying in your shell or disconnecting from friends and family when things get tough doesn’t help anyone. Hiding your emotional state can be exhausting in itself and it’s important you build an open communication portal with at least a couple of people in your life, whether that’s with your sibling, cousin or your closest friends to not feel the weight of it all on your shoulders.
3. Take the time to vent
No, you don’t necessarily need to pick up the phone and discuss your life with your friend, but it’s important to find a way to vent that’s healthy for you, whenever you find the need to. “Whether it’s taking notes on your phone, journaling in a book or speaking with a therapist, we all need an open, neutral space to privately place our thoughts and feelings. Think of it as regular exercise, but for your emotional life.” A good way to start is to journal (can be done on your phone, laptop or written in a book) for five minutes at the end of every day. This helps you consciously think and keep track of your thoughts on a day to day basis, and can even help make sense of how you’re feeling if you seem lost.
4. Exercise
Exercising doesn’t just have physical benefits. “The mind and body are very connected. Being physically active keeps us engaged with life and stimulates all the necessary chemicals, hormones, and neurotransmitters we need for emotional well-being. After a high-pressure experience, a good workout can provide the release we need.” If you’ve ever worked out after having a stressful day, you know the feeling we’re talking about. Get yourself moving and you’ll notice your mood improving after the sessions. “As many therapists like to say, in part inspired by a classic book in the field, the body keeps the score. The better we take care of our bodies and attune ourselves to our somatic needs, the more we are holistically nurturing ourselves.”
5. Meditate
A little goes a long way, too. It might take some time to find a style of meditation you like, but it’s worth experimenting to find the right fit. Don’t know where to start? Let a meditation app guide you. Deep breathing, chanting or even guided meditation can all help your mind to pause and take a break from the daily rush and improve your mental immunity.
Source: vogue.in
